Refuge

ref·uge

  [ref-yooj]

noun

1.

shelter or protection from danger, trouble, etc.: to take refuge from a storm.

2.

a place of shelter, protection, or safety.

3.

anything to which one has recourse for aid, relief, or escape.

Do I truly know that God is my refuge?  Is it to Him that I run when I am in need of shelter or aid or relief or escape?  Or do I steep myself into pointless escapes that only distract my mind by filling it with things that are useless? Sadly, I know I fall into the latter more often than not.

God is my refuge. I want to know that He is my refuge.  I want to not only know it, but to believe it and feel it with my inner most being to, most importantly, live out that truth so fully that it is a glowing testimony to all who see me.  I want to be able to tell a hurting person that God is the only refuge they need even when every person in their life that should have been there to care for them has left them.  I don't want those words to be trite; I want them to be sincere.

I haven't blogged for so long because I was always too concerned with having correct grammar and sentence structure and having something to actually say.  I have decided that God shows me too many beautiful and heartbreaking things for me to keep them all to myself. Who am I to decide if my stories are "good enough" to be used by God to touch someone? I am not a good writer, but I need to share my experiences and my thoughts as the Lord grows me here on the mission field even if my grammar is horrific and even if i have huge run-on sentences and even if I post something and then 2 months down the road He grows me and shows me how my thinking was flawed and not refined by the Light of His Word.  Even if I am the only person to read these posts, I think I need to have them all written out to look back on someday and remember the places He's taken me through on this adventure in Honduras.  

Right now this post is being spurred by a sweet, precious bright eyed boy who still can show a glimmer of a smile who is named Adonis.  He is 9 years old. I have known him since I did my internship in 2011.  He and his sister Naomi live close to the clinic and have been members of the children's feeding program for quite some time. I went to his house to visit him yesterday and learned this his momma has, once again, ran off with a man and left Adonis behind.  This time she took Naomi and their 2 year old sister with her only leaving Adonis and his 3 year old sister in the care of an Aunt.  His aunt, Teresa, was telling me (right in front of him) how his mom doesn't love nor want him and I looked at Adonis' grimy little boy face contort to try and be tough and my heart broke into more pieces than I knew possible in that moment.  And that's ok...for my heart to be broken.  I think God needs to allow my heart to be broken more often.  I wanted to take him home with me right then!!  I got down on my knees and told him that his momma had problems that she needed help to work them out and that it wasn't his fault that she left.  I told him that I am not his momma, but that I love him and that his Aunt loves him and that God loves him.  How do I help a 9 year old boy know that God is his refuge, his place of escape and protection from this sin-filled world where his own Mother is struggling with her own sins and failing to be there for him?  

God is my refuge, my aid, my relief.  He is teaching me that in new ways right now.  I pray that He will continue to break my heart and grow me in this knowledge of truly knowing that He is my refuge at all times and showing me how I can help others know this place of refuge.  I pray that He reveals himself to Adonis and that Adonis can know this place of refuge even at 9 years old.  

"Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." 

Psalm 62:8

Pictured below are Adonis and his sister Naomi.